Stress Management By BEHAVIOURAL COPING

It is a paradox of modern civilization that when mankind is able to find a cure for all diseases it should be making Stress into an all pervading phenomenon, affecting all professions, age groups, gender and strata of society and taking a heavy toll on the its well being. Stress is a powerful force which can do much good or much harm. It is like a flowing river. When tamed and directed it can spread much goodness along its path; when managed, stress can provide a sense of challenge, excitement, efficiency and productivity. However, like the havoc caused by an untamed river, stress can also become a devastating way of life, chronic enough to disturb balance and aggravate all diseases.

 

Managers and Corporates are getting overpowered by a stress prone work ethic and there is a need to stop and learn new as well as age old coping techniques. There is a need to find a balance between peak performance, high energy and excitement on the one hand and rest, rejuvenation, harmony and tranquility on the other. Like everything else too much is bad. Overstress challenges our Tolerance limits and threatens the organ or system that is the weakest link in our Physiological chain.

 

Stress results when your capabilities fall short of life's demands. While stress and challenge are exciting, they need to be balanced with Rest, Sleep, Relaxation, Exercise and a Calm Personality. This balance will take you away from disease and towards Personal growth and Good Health.

 

One of the most important aspects of stress management is awareness of what causes the stress and preparation to combat its effects in anticipation. Management techniques prepare the person to face a problem situation more effectively. A negative frame of mind makes a person feel nervous and upset in stressful situation, he will be unable to deal with it. On the other hand, if he takes a positive attitude, the mind and body are more relaxed and better equipped to handle the crisis.

 

STRESS COPING  SKILLS ;

 

Before talking about specific ways of dealing with stress, there are some general rules and guidelines for promoting change and coping. Basically two responses can be made to deal with situations that create stressful conditions within us. One can either reduce stress or improve coping skills. While the former may not be in our control, the latter certainly is. Stress usually elicits two types of responses. An individual may decide to approach the situation and confront it. He decides to move towards clarity with an active and positive approach. Another copes with the situation by avoiding making any response, by denial of the problem, and using various escape methods such as anger, withdrawal, smoking, alcohol and other addictions. This is a passive and self-destructive approach.

 

While both cope with stress, one leads towards growth of the individual and the other is self-destructive. In this article we will discuss cognitive and behavioural coping strategies which help you to cope with stress in positive ways.

 

ASSERTIVENESS TRAINING:

 

Communicating is one of man’s great accomplishments. But it is stress producing. The act of talking raises Blood pressure and Heart rate. These changes occur even in sign language of the hearing impaired. Psychologists have identified 4 styles of communicating: Passive, Aggressive, Passive-Aggressive (manipulative) and Assertive.

 

Assertiveness is a high improvement of the fight / flight response of our ancestors,
the cave dwellers.  It is better than a disruptive fight or an inward flight of modern life. It allows the individual clear, direct, honest and firm communication of what he or she wants and feels. While we feel compelled to behave in a way we feel is expected of us, we also feel cheated when others are not guided by these same principles. This behaviour takes time to learn since you need to stop other stress prone behaviour out of old habit. It is the use of personal power in a pleasant and positive way. It adds to our self confidence, earns us respect and while it may not always result in personal success, certainly increases the odds in our favour. While it may or may not ensure a Win, it certainly ensures that one doesn't walk away from the situation with more stress than one started with.

 

Being assertive means being able to stand up for your own rights and being able to say "No" without violating the sensitivity of others and without being aggressive. The person who is non - assertive is reluctant to express his feelings and thoughts, finds it difficult to refuse requests from others even if they affect adversely his own time and resources, gives in to views of others, frequently makes compromises and is submissive in the presence of aggressive behaviour.

 

This behaviour of being unable to stand for himself makes the situation extremely stressful for him. This stress becomes compounded since this non-assertive behaviour arises out of a fear of rejection. Being assertive, on the other hand, means being able to express thoughts and feelings in a way, which is not offensive to others. It means being able to stand for your own rights and needs without violating the rights of others Assertiveness helps to reduce interpersonal tensions. It increases a sense of well being by increasing self-confidence and self-esteem. It helps in reducing anxiety and promotes a sense of satisfaction with life.

 

Being assertive and standing for your rights does not mean being aggressive. In aggressive behaviour, the person demands his rights without considering the rights of others and without being aware that he is violating others rights. An assertive person balances her rights along the rights of other people.

 

General behaviour :  

The assertive person tries to avoid I win/You lose situations. She takes appropriate action towards getting what she wants, but ensuring that getting what she wants does not deny the rights of others. She tries not to play games with others: she negotiates, using compromise (i.e. she doesn't always win, but she doesn't lose). She evaluates impartially, trying to accept others and their idea on their own merit. She is relaxed and competent enough to be able to trust others, and thus delegates much of her work. She is not naive about political processes. She deals with power and politics openly, unlike the crafty manipulative, the pushy aggressive and the anxious and gullible passive.

 

The other three styles are often reactive, reacting to crises with recriminations, second-guessing and blaming etc. The assertive tends to be more proactive, seeing crises as symptoms rather than causes and concentrating on solutions-"what we are going to do rather than on what we should have done."

 

The assertive person acknowledges and respect others feelings, including their fears and their anger. She also takes risks with expressing her own feelings and tries to act as a model of behaviour for others. She claims the right, not the privilege, to make mistakes. She thus avoids the massive stress that aggressives, who must always appear infallible and thus never delegate, are under. Because she anticipate mistakes, and will not be crushed when they happen, she can cake risks with change and innovation, like all good evolutionary successes do.  Interesting, she also claims the right to be non-assertive. In a world infested with manipulatives, passives and aggresives, it can be wearing being an assertive.

 

The assertive person tends to be consistent in her behaviour, and does not experience guilt feelings about things she has said and done, or has not said and done - unlike the aggressive, passive, and manipulative of all the four behaviour types, the assertive alone has non-verbal and verbal behaviour which is congruent: in other words, there is no contradiction between her words and
her actions.

 

Becoming assertive:

 

Most people (not all) would say that the assertive style is superior to, and preferable to, the aggressive, passive and manipulative styles. We can learn to adopt the general behaviour and the specific verbal and non-verbal behaviour of the assertive style. There are other tools of control and counter-control that assertive people and would-be assertive people can learn. 

 

Steps in Assertive Training ;

 

Step 1 : Identify your own present style of interpersonal behaviour, i.e. whether your behaviour is passive or aggressive.

Step 2 : Identify situations in which you have bee non-assertive and situation in which you would like to behave more effectively. You can also define when, with whom and in what situation you would like to be more assertive.

Step 3 : Identify the situations in which you feel uncomfortable and awkward. Select a mild or a moderate uncomfortable situation and write down its description, write in detail the person involved.

Step 4 :Write down the situation and change the script making it more assertive. This should include changes you need to bring in your talk and behaviour in order to be assertive.

  Step 5 ;Use assertive body language, which include maintaining eye contact, erect posture, gesture and facial expressions for emphasis. Speak firmly and clearly.

Step 6 ;Listen actively to other peoples’ opinions and feelings. Clarify wherever there is doubt and acknowledge the other person’s point of view.

Step 7 ; Wherever interests clash, make a fair compromise that satisfies both parties involved.

Step 8; Avoid trying to manipulate or control others, and learn to avoid being manipulated.

Assertiveness means learning to communicate effectively. It means having and exercising choices. This greatly reduces stress and promise a positive state of mind.

 

Dr. H.S. Pal, is a leading Stress Management Consultant and author of Best seller book, ‘Tit For Tat to Treat For Tat’. He can be contacted at; drpal262@yahoo.com